Free Yourself from “Perfect Mom Myth” Created By Society

Being a ‘Perfect Mom’ is a ‘Myth’, created by our Society, and striving for perfection ultimately makes you a distressed parent.

Here, I am sharing the experience of a mom who stepped out of superfluous conception associated with moms and listened to her heart.

She wants society to break the myth of a perfect mom and be easy on all mommies.
It was the month of May; I was superbly excited to set off for the holiday which my husband had arranged.

I was looking forward anxiously for the break, I truly deserved.

After 8 months, of sleepless nights and tiring days, my husband finally planned to surprise me with the 2-week trip to Europe.

I was leaving my daughter with my in-laws, my mother, and a 24*7 domestic help.

I am not feeling apologetic.

Agree, I am not sounding like an exemplary ‘perfect mom’ who is expected to stay with her 8-month-old baby all the time.

I hail from a prosperous business family from my parent’s side and my husband and in-laws are equally well to do.

Compared to my acquaintances and friends my situation was very decent.

At 24, I got married. Soon after my marriage, I got myself enrolled in an interior design course as I had a keen interest in it.

I had seen with my cousins and some friends how soon after marriage they were expected to do domestic tasks, with barely any support from other family members.

One of my friends told me she was supposed to complete daily household chores with full sincerity and dedication on her own and was not allowed to delegate any task to domestic help.

One of my cousins narrated her ordeals that she didn’t have the freedom to make even minor changes in the house.

Despite great responsibilities, they had little liberty.

But I being a rebellion, since my teenage, never approved such contradictory standards.
I never wanted such a life for myself.

I mentioned it to my husband in advance that household chores are not my cup of tea.

I wanted to make it crystal clear before marriage that I don’t intend to live like a typical Indian daughter-in-law who is expected all domestic work soon after marriage.

My husband is the cutest guy in the whole world agreed to this.

My married life was going exceptionally well.

We had two full-day domestic help for cleaning and cooking.

Initially, my mother-in-law tried to engage me in odd house jobs, but thanks to my college and busy schedule she could not say or do much.

Soon after completion of my course, I got pregnant.

I didn’t want to get into this obligation so soon.

I wanted to focus on my designing career.

My husband’s family assured me of full help and support.

Everyone said it’s the right time and the appropriate age to have a baby.

Already overwhelmed by the news, I happily accepted it.

My pregnancy was a pleasant experience with everyone taking full care of me.

My loving husband and I went to Kerala on a babymoon.

Enjoying marital bliss to the fullest, I felt fortunate.

I was blessed with a cute baby girl.

Life after the baby changed drastically.

I was now chock-full of baby’s responsibility.

Our outing, partying with friends, and random weekends getaways were entirely ceased now.

I was full time at home.

It wasn’t advisable loitering around with such a small baby.

Although now I had full-day help exclusively for the baby.

But, my baby accustomed to getting up every 2-3 hours in the night for a feed, followed by constant crying due to colic pains.

At night I had no help from anyone, yet I managed it efficiently.

Holding, and being with my little one was always enjoyable.

But, no proper sleep in the night made me irritable, and drowsy during the day time.

This problem gradually began to cease by the time my baby turned 5 months old.

Then she settled on top feed.

One day my husband said, you have been doing so much for our baby, now you also need a break. Let’s go on holiday.

Just you and me.

Our parents and around the clock help will take care of the baby in our absence.

Initially, I was hesitant but after assurance from my husband, I agreed.

We shared our plans with our parents after some reluctance, they also approved.

My husband made me realize being a mother doesn’t mean I can’t think of my happiness.

A break from my mundane life will rejuvenate my inner self and will make me more efficient.

I was happily preparing for the long-awaited holiday.

Eventually, the other day, I accidentally heard my mother-in-law talking to a neighbor about the trip.

The conversation I overheard was very hurting.

They were talking about how new mommies these days are so self-centered.

They have no love and attachment to their kids.

For them, their enjoyment is more important than their children.

How can a mother have a heart of leaving her child for 15 odd days?

My eyes were brimming in tears when I poured my heart out to my husband about the incident.

He consoled me and asked me to assume that- I am 8 months old and my mom going on a trip “happy and thrilled” without me.

Does this make her a bad mom?

Placing my Mom in my situation and answering if I feel my plan for the holiday is sensible was easier and convincing.

I said I would be proud of her for rejecting the life of a superficial Perfect mom image created by our Society and for making unconventional choices in life.

My husband said that’s what I am trying to explain taking a break for 15 days from your child doesn’t make you a bad mom nor will your child ever think so.

Certainly, it is not as per the set benchmark of society.

But then society is not important but, you and our baby are.

We are not leaving our child unattended. We are leaving her with very loving grandparents and that too just for 15 days.

The next day, I went to my in-laws and told them it is not easy for me as well, to leave my child and go on holiday.

But, with the loving grandparents like you, I feel comfortable leaving my piece of heart here. Because I know my baby is in expert hands, and you both will take good care of her as I do.

They felt appreciated, got happy, and this time enthusiastically agreed.

Do We really Need Perfect Mom Myth Created By Society?

Generally, in our culture, Indian mothers do not leave their kids with grandparents and help, just to travel for delight but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to do it.

What I did is not considered the attribute of an ideal, perfect mom as per our customs.

But I strongly believe Indian women also need to improve the quality of their life.
They also have the right to think about them.

They should come out of the conventional image which they struggle to live all their lives.

I don’t want to wake up after 15-20 odd years thinking, youthful years of my life concluded in raising kids and doing the daily chores.

Free yourself from the Myth of Perfect Mom Created By Society.

Like all mommies, I always put my child’s needs ahead of mine.

But, is it a crime if at times yes only at times I think about myself?

I only pamper my sweet self.

I do things to freshen up my mind, body, and soul.

Does sufficing my petty desires transform me from a good, caring mom to a bad and unreasonable one?

Does being a mom means living the perfect mom myth and sacrificing on your needs and your dreams?

I love my child and ought to be with her but, that is not the sole thing I want to do in life.
I still crave to enjoy with my friends, still want to outshine in my career, still love to travel, and explore new things.

I want to live my dreams and be with my baby at the same time.

I don’t intend to spend my life suppressing my yearnings as most Indian moms do. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest.

Is it too much for a mother to ask?

Does this make me a selfish mom?

Considerable striving for being a perfect mom increases stress on moms which undermines her mental stability.

It, therefore, modifies her competence to adjust to the altering needs of her children and to act wisely.

“Perfect mother” actually makes it harder to be a good parent.

Request everyone to please come out of your irrational and outdated mindset.

Stop being critical and judgmental.

It’s time to break the myth image we have created of a perfect mom and be gentle and humane with all the mommies.

Perfection is a myth, but happiness is a reality.

Thus A happy Mom raises happy kids and in turn, makes the whole family happy.

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